If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
