this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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