In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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