he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
You ruined the universe
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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