The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
