is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
