So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
