No stitches, just platelets and will power
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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