Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
