Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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