also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
