So gin and wine won't be happening again
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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