the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
