i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
