she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Randomize
