he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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