i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
