i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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