The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
