awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
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