She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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