he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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