forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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