i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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