I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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