i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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