i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
