yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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