please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
