Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
