the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
