i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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