shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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