So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
