but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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