ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
wow bdsm is so cute
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
