i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
