So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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