never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
