I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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