Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
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