i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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