You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
