so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I FOUND THE LEGS
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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