I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
True strength comes from lack of pants
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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