Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
