alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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