Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
