Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
