Christians are straight up FREAKS
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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